Hello! I am Sheryl Anne Messina and I am writing this blog to reach and inspire all of you women who have found yourselves suddenly no longer married, especially after heartbreaking separations (Ok…..divorces…I just hate the word divorce….), and you’re not only experiencing tremendous pain, but as a result of the break-up, also facing challenges at work, with finances, taking care of your houses and yards, and juggling the day-to-day activities of your children.
The good news is that there is some truth to the old cliché, time heals all wounds. Time will lessen, and eventually take away, that excruciating pain in your stomach. The day you realize…you’ve been thinking about what a jerk your ‘ex’ is, but you don’t feel like you were punched in the gut…will be a day you’ll remember! You will be elated, bordering on euphoric! Come on my girls – I know there’s many of you out there who know what I’m talking about! It’s that moment when you realize you’re okay and you’re a survivor. Your energy skyrockets and you want to take on those projects you’ve been putting off and those even bigger endeavors you’ve dreamed of before you had kids!
This epiphany happened to me 2 weeks ago and now I am ready to take on the world! Over just the last few days, I began editing the book I started years ago, I finished the 75-hour online real estate course that I started 2 years ago, and I’ve started this blog. My passion is to help others, especially us ladies! I will be sharing my many experiences, including tips to make ends meet, take care of the house and yard, and be both the mom and dad for your children.
Over three years ago I suddenly found myself alone when my husband emailed me (YES – EMAILED ME!) that it was too stressful for him to live in a house with 4 females (myself and my three daughters, ages 16, 14 and 11 at the time). Okay…so, I promise this blog will inspire you….but, I first need to digress just a little bit here. Didn’t my husband think that marriage and life with children would be stressful at times, especially when there are pre-teens and teens? Worse yet, he selfishly thought it was okay to leave… just quit and run… and leave his wife (who works full time with no family living nearby) with the day-to-day responsibilities of three children, a 4 bedroom house, the (X$#@!!) pool, and also the dog he bought!
Through counseling and research, I learned two very important things:
- Men’s mid-life crises have real physical foundations. Just as women’s estrogen levels change during menopause, men’s testosterone and growth hormone levels drop at approximately the same age, and there is a medical term for it: andropause. Whereas women mostly complain of hot flashes, sweating and a slowed metabolism, men often will display behavioral changes. Men can experience irritability, anger and depression related to such thoughts as not being as great a parent as they could have been, not reaching a higher career status, or not having more meaningful accomplishments. Their behavior can also be marked by doing things on a whim that are not characteristic of their age.
- Men are likely to repeat the actions of their fathers.
So, in my case, when my husband became very irritable, angry and depressed and was freaking out that he needed to accomplish more, he did what his father did, which was to runaway, and move into his own apartment….and, oh yeah….bought a motorcycle, grew his hair long, started up that old rock band with his other mid-life crises buddies, and drank a real, real lot.
Ladies, the term given to this behavior by Vikki Stark, psychotherapist, is “Runaway Husbands.” To read a deep analysis of this, with much empathy for those who have a similar story, see Vikki’s website: runawayhusbands.com. Vikki turned her own bewildering and devastating runaway husband story into a quest to get to the bottom of what happened. She shares her learning in two books, Runaway Husbands and Planet Heartbreak.
So….Hello Everyone out there reading this!! That’s enough on that!!
All future post will be to inspire you by letting you know WE ARE SURVIVORS AND THE BEST DAYS REALLY ARE AHEAD!
Until next time…..
Follow your BEAT!